SHORT COMPILATION OF SHIVA’S LECTURES ON LOVE OF YOURSELF – Shiva`s Center
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SHORT COMPILATION OF SHIVA’S LECTURES ON LOVE OF YOURSELF

True self-love.

You only eat organic.
Talk good about yourself.
Using high-quality makeup.
Go to SPA.
Buying gifts.

Isn’t that the true self-love?

Most important in life.

Love for yourself is the cornerstone of existence. Bible tells us to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Meaning that if you do not love yourself, if you haven’t experienced such love, then you cannot love anyone else. How can you tell another person what an orange tastes like if you have never tried the fruit?

The absence of self-love is a principal cause of all relationships.
People believe that it is that ‘other half’ who brings love through the relationship. However, relationships are merely a channel through which loves flows back and forth. It is an exchange.

When you don’t have love in your system for your self, there is nothing you can give to another person. Moreover, if your partner is empty, then you have two people who met seeking something neither of them has. All you see in each other is the means of satisfaction of your own needs.

With that, mutual disappointment begins. Disappointment in relationships commonly brings diseases. People line up at gynecologist’s or urology professional’s office doors.

The biggest fear.

It is more than typical for a person to be afraid to be alone with himself/herself. Why? Because we are so scared of ourselves.

Inability to enjoy being in your own company is one of the biggest nowadays tragedies. The moment we face ourselves, the moment we see the full reflection most of us realize we cannot deal with ourselves. We seek refuge in social media, TV, music, going out, friends, drugs, alcohol. Anything and everything but spending time with the most important person in our lives – ourselves. Reaching out vs. reaching in.

You know, for the most people to be alone would be the worst possible punishment.
We keep our minds busy, diverting our attention to whatever that will keep it occupied and filled the void. This isn’t a healthy relationship with yourself when you are never with yourself consciously and purposefully. Have you noticed how everywhere you go there will be music? While there isn’t anything wrong with music per se, we use it as an anesthetic to avoid spending time inside and to be in silence.

Simple proof.

Have you noticed how much love and care pets get? Best possible food, doctors, healthy routines. Many of us spend more time researching and are buying higher quality foods for them than for themselves.

What do you do when you are eating out, and you are full, but there is food left? Most of us will eat it because there’s too much left. Let me stress that point: we would eat not because we are hungry, we would eat so that the food we paid for wouldn’t end up in the garbage can. ‘I cannot throw it in a garbage can, let me use myself for that instead.’

How a person who doesn’t love himself or herself is expected to treat another person? It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? At some point, his or her partner will be that garbage bin for all negative emotions and problems.

The importance of self-love.

Self-love gives us access to vital energy – PRANA -which under the influence of self-love begins circulating the body. The PRANA shines like sunshine and attracts others on the subconscious level. The above is not to be confused with a futile pretense. If you don’t feel it, if it isn’t in you, it won’t hold up for long. Everyone holds the source of it inside themselves. The source of it is God. God is not some random prehistoric Bible figure; it is a state of human consciousness full of love and energy.
Faith is a changing subject. Today one person may believe in God, tomorrow no. You have to know like you know that one plus one equals two. If I gave you twenty dollars, you wouldn’t have to believe it is twenty dollars. You’d use them. I don’t believe in God, I know Him.

If the person doesn’t love himself/herself, he or she wouldn’t accept themselves ‘as is,’ and will be unhappy with life. Begin complaining that nothing is coming together as it should. Who is he complaining about? Himself. Why keep spitting in the mirror. Our life is a reflection of our consciousness. You can change a lot of things if you know how to change what’s in your consciousness. If you aren’t accepting your life, you aren’t accepting God who is inside of you. You are rejecting God.

In turn, this means that by rejecting God, he rejects the Universe and its laws. The person begins to spin against the grind of the Universe, and at some point, he will get crushed by the universal laws. You lived, you died, and the memory of you disappeared. Christianity, for example, states despair and depression as a sin because one who knows God, has Him in his consciousness is never depressed.
Let’s make it a little more precise. God is in every human’s consciousness, but we just don’t know how to get there. God is love. Self-love is where it all begins. No fitness, travels, medicine or partner will ever fix your life or replace the need for self-love.

When you finally learn how to love yourself.

You will open a source of prana in yourself, a source of vital energy. People will begin following you. People feel it; it can’t be faked. You can be beautiful, but no one would ever notice. Prana’s flow is always noticeable; it acts on subconscious levels. Whenever there is prana, you can dedicate it to your work, projects, business, children, healing and so much more. Moreover, with Prana in you, you will be happy in a sustainable manner, since the source of it is inside of you. It is yours. Your happiness will be generated in your consciousness. It will be your Prana, i.e., self-love.

Mistakes we make when we are trying to love ourselves

1. we adhere to our monetarily wishes and seek pleasures.
Feeling sad – ice-cream and chocolate. Want some fun or feel like you’ve been through an adventure – go to the movies. Feeling down – a glass of wine. Not enough sex – swipe right or call your ex. Things aren’t going as well as you hoped – let me praise myself and think positively following the cheerful advice in that book.
Sounds familiar? The above is what most of our lives are busy with. Seeking pleasure.
Nothing is wrong with it per se. As long as you don’t overdose and remember that those are similar to desserts – good in moderation and not as a main course. Overindulgence never ends well. You either get fed up, or you form an addiction. When nothing dulls the mind, the life becomes unbearable, especially whenever you are alone with yourself. Comedies get old; friends become boring, clothes don’t fit, can’t sleep without Xanax.

2. When we fail to love ourselves, we begin looking for someone to do it for us.
You find a partner, and you get married. You live in a belief that common home, kids, sex, shared bank account will serve as a source of happiness.
Problem is if you don’t love yourself, even if your partner loves you and himself, you will still be unhappy. That unhappiness will manifest itself sooner or later because you will keep on forcing your partner to prove his love. This is a road to disaster, and the partner is likely to leave. You will, however, keep on making others love you, and you will never be satisfied. You are however expected to earn an ‘egoist’ title for it.

3. We attempt to think of ourselves and accept (or NOT!) ourselves based on what the others think of us.
The result is, we don’t get to find out who we are and we keep on acting. We play different roles for different people, and never get to live as who we are.
In reality, we need to accept ourselves and think of ourselves based on accurate information. Such precise information is available through meditation. Appropriate self-analysis is another way.

How to love yourself

Realize that loving yourself is a beautiful thing.
Most of us were told growing up that being an egoist is a terrible, even evil thing. Mom and dad would demand that you share your toys, terrified that you’d become an egoist. Some of us grew up thinking that egoists only love themselves, but we must love someone else or something else.
In reality, an egoist is merely a person, who has a consciousness (ego – latin). Every single person in the world has one thus saying you are an egoist would be equal to blaming someone for having two hands or two legs. The real egoist doesn’t love himself, so he makes others do it for him instead.

Accept yourself for who you are (and aren’t).
Skinny or fat, strong or weak. Whatever you are. When you accept yourself, you accept Karma. You accept God.

Develop your consciousness.
Today it is trendy to talk about Big Egos and how they are the cause of all our issues. It isn’t indeed so. In fact ego, which is an integral part of our human consciousness, is usually weak and in floats an embryo stage for the most of our lives unless we do something about it. When an Ego is healthy, the person never tries to prove anything to anyone. Such a person won’t engage in conflicts; he is vigorous and genuinely kind. A strong person doesn’t need to prove his strength. Only a weak one will look for the fight to prove it.

Caring for your consciousness includes meditation. You could start with twenty minutes twice a day. Even once a day will do for a beginner. Beautiful sattvic music helps as long as you stay tuned in and don’t let obsessive thoughts about business or vacation to distract you. Let yourself surrender into the world as you walk on the beach. Read a spiritual book. Stop wasting time gossiping, recycling news and rumors.

Forgive yourself.
Let’s talk true authentic forgiveness.
Others shouldn’t be seeking your forgiveness, and you need not seek forgiveness of others. Yes, it is a prevalent notion that you have to ask for forgiveness. You are a soul who ‘hired’ an actor, yourself, to play out your Karma following its laws. Same goes for everyone else in your life. You aren’t in a position to judge them. God gave them their lives. Forgiving yourself is a manifestation of self-love. Without forgiveness, there will be no future for you.

Get rid of people who weigh you down
Associating yourself with people whose company you do not enjoy is a bad idea. It will exhaust you. That’s a sure road to self-destruction. No one will appreciate it in the long run. You will never receive an award for it. Walk away sooner rather than later, because issues are inevitable. Many of you have ‘poor relatives’ who use you as donors one or another way. If you cannot walk away entirely, it is time to draw a line in the sand and set boundaries. Look around and ask yourself do the people you invest in are helping your growth.

Do what you love doing.
The above is the simplest and the most efficient way to love yourself. When you are doing what you really love, you are fulfilling your Dharma. Your purpose. You connect with the divine within yourself.

Only let in what’s good for you
Eat mindfully. Pick whats right for you. The one who loves himself/herself doesn’t compromise his food. Even if there is no one to cook for besides yourself, do it. A woman develops her feminine qualities when she is cooking. Don’t look for an escape in ready-made solutions. They will be missing the main ingredient of every meal – love. A house where a woman cooks always attracts guests who don’t want to leave because it feels warm and cozy. At some point, you will see why animal products. They are unfit to be a part of human diet. You cannot cook and serve a dead body with love. Don’t try to replace lack of positivity with food. Monitor and be aware of the real reasons that are driving your appetite. Don’t replace your spiritual needs with food. We tend to overeat whenever something is missing; when we crave positive emotions or new experiences. Open the door for them instead. You don’t need all that candy and chocolate. Sweets help your cravings for love. It is better to realize that than to use food to satisfy it. Coffee is not necessary either – better do some Yoga. Alcohol and drugs sedate you, make you numb, help you forget about your issues. I encourage you to face them and begin solving them instead.

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